There should be a pub somewhere called “Ye Olde Bandit”. 70's bikes memorabilia on the walls and Motorhead on the juke box (only not too loud). Middle aged nostalgists (is that a word?) harp on about how it was the original and best over their real ale. New-to-big-biking bikers (usually a thin man in leathers that are too big and a fat man in leathers that are too small) earwig on the other conversations claiming what they hear as their own opinion and drawl about “big bike, cheap price”. I'm sorry but the world has moved on. It's not shit enough to sit right at the bottom of the pile as a cheap commuter or whatever, but it falls well short of all these rivals. Suzuki either needs to give a kick up the arse or give it the boot.

This motor really surprised me. I was expecting something from the Ark but the engine is still relevant, practical and powerful. It had 160mph on the clock trying, vainly, to catch the Fazer and its delivery is spot on with easy access to the bundles of torque in the midrange. I'll gloss over the handling – the pegs grind like cheap coffee – but the brakes were okay. It's just a little too old and too heavy to influence my buying decision.