Five Christmas presents every biker wants.

Well, I say every biker, when it could possibly be just me and a couple of other weirdos. Christmas doesn’t need to be about new socks and a Now 88 album. I’ve listed the top five things I’d like to find under the tree.

1.KTM Salt and Pepper shakers


Not much to say about these, really. We all use salt and pepper shakers, we all like cool KTM stuff. I would have picked the cuckoo clock, but was in danger of just listing five timepieces I’d like for Christmas.

It's a KTM Salt and Pepper set, it doesn't need a cool caption.

It’s a KTM Salt and Pepper set, it doesn’t need a cool caption.

2. Graham Chronofighter 1695

£up to £15k

Any watch manufacturer that has ambassadors like John McGuinness and Cameron Donald on the books is worth a look. Graham watches are big, in your face and about as subtle as strapping a badger to your arm. My pick of the bunch would be a steel Chronofighter. A classic date, time chrono piece with stacks of heritage. George Graham (who founded the company) is credited with designing the first chronograph movement, as well as a load of other cool watch stuff that’ll just get boring if you’re not into horology (which I am). Anyway, if you’re looking for a watch that says you’re a fan of speed and you want everyone to know, click here and get your wallet out.

The Graham Chronofighter. You either get it or you don't. We do.

The Graham Chronofighter. You either get it or you don’t. We do.

3. Martin Heath phone covers


Everyone needs a phone cover and everybody likes Marc Marquez. Why not combine the two with one of these sweet covers from MotoGP photographer Martin Heath. Of all the things on this list, this is one that I know I’m definitely getting as Martin sent me one to look at. Well, Martin. I’ve had a look, it accidentally slipped onto my phone and straight into my pocket. I’m joking of course. But I am keeping it.

Who's on the phone? A world champion, that's who.

Who’s that on the phone? A world champion, that’s who.

4. Honda Moto3 bike

£17500 (you didn’t think I was going to list affordable stuff, did you?)

Ebay, a chance for moody blokes to flog moody stuff. Also the place to go if you’ve got twenty grand burning a hole in your pocket and you want to pretend you’re Maverick Vinales. Padgets have been selling bikes since Jesus was a boy, so their reputation is solid. They’ll send a crated Honda NSF250R direct to your door. All you have to do is put the thing together and head for your nearest track day. If you do click the link and buy one, can you give us a shout, we’ll look after it, honest.

A Honda Moto3 bike, buy it now, now now.

A Honda Moto3 bike, buy it now, then call me.

5. Alpinestars Mack Textile jacket


Just about the most practical thing on my list, the Mack textile jacket has armour in the elbows, shoulders and back. That means not only can you look like a 1980’s ski slope bad ass, but you can also ride while doing so. There’s a waterproof pocket for keeping your awesome dry, and a hood for keeping your ears warm. Lets be honest, if you get anything from Alpinestars for Christmas, it proves that not only does somebody love you, but that somebody has listened to you blabbering on about how cool Astars stuff is all year.

If you like looking like a 1980's Ski villain, buy this.

If you like looking like a 1980’s Ski villain, buy this.