The Dirt Doctor will see you now – Maxxis meltdown and weekend preview

Ssssssh… Keep it buttoned because this is top secret but I reckon with the Maxxis meltdown there’s room in the race calendar for an all-new national motocross championship.
I’m going to call it the – deep breath – Superbike Magazine Dirt Doctor British Motocross Run-What-Ya-Brung Scrambly Bike Championship of the World powered by Tizer – and breathe – and it’s going to kick seven shades of shit out of everything else out there.
It’s going to be 100 per cent BS free – no licence, no lid, no frikkin’ limits. In fact, flip-flops and knotted hankies will be encouraged – think of the power to weight ratio. Riders can just rock up and race. In my head I’m seeing some have-a-go hero in a denim cut-off and leather chaps hitting Hawkstone Hill WFO on a home-brewed Frankenstein machine with a paddle tyre and more ccs than a Spanish hooker.
Of course, the chances of anyone getting that far are minimal. If the field isn’t hitting 140mph by the first turn I’ll eat my non-existant crash hat.
With action like that sponsorship and television will be a piece of piss once I’ve pitched my vision to TV bigwigs in a series of high-powered breakfast meetings outside my local Greggs. Classy, eh?
Luckily, before this gets off the ground there’s a ton of stuff to keep filth fans busy this weekend…
The Michelin MX Nationals kick off in the glamorous setting of Monte Carlo. Some of Britain’s best riders will be in action over two days, watched over by the world’s richest men and most beautiful women. Sheiks, super-models, pneumatic-chested adult ‘film’ stars will be in attendance and there’s a rumour that Charlie Sheen’s riding his Bree Olson Racing KTM.
Okay, who am I kidding? It’s actually at Preston Docks and Charlie’s late entry wasn’t accepted but don’t let that put you off. The hub of the Lancashire Riviera will play host to the UK’s top talent – the Pro entry list has got Kristian Whatley, Brad Anderson, Ben Watson and Adam Sterry on it just for starters – and the Docks is an alpha male of a track. It’s a go-hard-or-go-home deal and the sandy circuit is rougher than the ladies at a Doncaster nightclub at chucking out time.
For a timetable and more info point your PC at
Moving smoothly on to Doncaster (see what I did there?), the opening round of the Scott Amateur Nationals plugs in at the awesome, amazing FatCat Moto Parc this weekend. Don’t be fooled by the ‘amateur’ bit of the event title. There are some seriously quick men – and women – signed up for the series.
Rivalling only the – deep breath – Superbike Magazine Dirt Doctor British Motocross Run-What-Ya-Brung Scrambly Bike Championship of the World powered by Tizer – and breathe – for its lack of BS, this is proper grassroots stuff and the racing will be as good if not better than anything you’ll see anywhere else in the UK this weekend.
It’s also go a beer tent which is where you’ll most likely find me, striped to the waist, oiled-up and taking on all-comers at Greco Roman wrestling – like Oliver Reed only with a stethoscope and warm hands…
  • The best news I’ve heard all week is that Mel Pocock is regaining feeling in his right hand. It’s going to be a long, hard road back for lil ginge but he’s a fighter and is surrounded by great people.
  • In between surfing surgical websites and I caught a clip of Mel’s team-mate – and fellow ginge – Max Anstie holding it WFO on a practice track posted by Monster Energy DRT Kawasaki head honcho Steve Dixon. Looks like Mighty Max will be shredding when the GPs hit Argentina on March 29.
  • The Dirt Doc’s keeping it on the down-low on Maxxis matters at the moment. That’s not to say I’m ignoring it – the shit is still hitting the fan – but the MX medic is treading water until the official ACU enquiry on March 25. I think the term is ‘under observation’…

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